Funny WhatsApp Status Collection 2015

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You smile I smile, you get hurt I get hurt, you cry I cry, you jump off a bridge, I’m gonna miss you buddy…

things to do when you get pulled over: climb into the passenger seat and when the cop comes over look at the drivers seat and say “Holy crap, he’s a magician!”

Facebook event invites from people you barely know should really have a ‘seriously?’ option in the reply.

Cop: Ma’am, what’s in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma’am that’s wine… Me: Jesus did it again!!

‘Are you athletic?’ Yes, I surf the Net.

If i was the genie on Facebook and i could grant you one wish each what would your wish be??

My boss just said to me “You’ve been late five days this week… do you know what that means?” I certainly do – it’s FRIDAY!

A ship cannot sail with its anchor in the water! Let go of the past so you can sail towards your future!

“Listen up! I’m phenomenal. And for those of you who don’t speak English: blah blah blah blah blahu2014 fuck yeah!u2014 blah blah blah. Thank you.”

Drunk answers, “Hellllll, no! Not without a net!”

Arguing with a woman is like gettign arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. I managed to graduate, get married, lose some weight, read 15 books and shower.

Don’t text me while I’m texting you, now I have to change my text.

That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook.

I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.

I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat :)

If i had to choose who to trust with my life it would be my Mother. My best friend and the best Mom in the whole wild world

When Keisha went to Take It Off, Bruno Mars threw a Grenade which made Katy Perry a Firework and Taylor Swift rode away on a White Horse.

I love my sis when i try going on the computer they wont let me..when theres ppl in the room we hug each other ,when there’s none else a things bad break out

You: ” sneeze” “oh sorry I’m allergic to your bull shit”

Is having a Bridgett Jones moment “ALL BY MYSELF, DON’T WANNA BE ALL BY MYSELF” But hey if I’ve got to at least that means more wine for me!

That awkward moment when you say “it’s definitely not there, I checked three times!!!” and then it magically appears there.

It is so cold today that I nearly keyed someone’s car with my nipples

Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?